 Keep Him (or Her) Guessing
How much should you reveal about yourself when you’re using an online dating service? Although you want to be forthcoming in your answers to certain questions when you begin corresponding with someone you’ve met online, remember that too much information early on can be overwhelming. When you haven’t met someone face to face, it can be difficult to keep your emails interesting and fresh, so spewing every detail about your personal life, your beliefs and your goals into the first few emails can be counter-productive.
Don’t forget that a bit of mystery is also intriguing. You don’t want to lie, and you do want to answer any direct questions, but you can keep the answers brief and leave the other person wanting more. A short, tantalizing answer that hints that there’s much more to learn about you will keep interest levels high and give you plenty of future opportunities to share more of yourself as you become closer to the other person.
Knowing When You’re Saying Too Much
If someone asks you about your work, you should certainly tell them what you do for a living, but don’t immediately tell them the details of your typical work week or regale them with lots of tales from the trenches. You may bore them to death with too much, too soon. Simply stating, “I’m an engineer working for a national research firm” will give the other person lots to think about. What kind of engineer? What projects might you be working on? Which company?
On the other hand, saying, “I’m a software engineer for a company that designs software coding that customizes how PC’s store and compact information. I probably write several miles of code every year, which reminds me about this weird incident that happened in our progress meeting last week. Larry – he works with me – suggested…..” Do you see the problem here? You’re offering more information than the person requested. You’re also telling a work related story about people he or she doesn’t know.
Always give the smallest amount of information, and let the other person ask questions if they are interested in knowing more. It’s far better to be the one answering questions. It makes your e-mail correspondence more of a give and take than a monologue by you.
Don’t Volunteer Information That Isn’t Relevant
Remember that you’re corresponding with someone who may or may not be interested in you. To keep that element of mystery and intrigue alive, be spare with the details of your week. If they suggest chatting online on Thursday, but you have a doctor’s appointment, simply say, “I’m so sorry, but I’m busy Thursday afternoon. What about Saturday?” The other person will wonder what your plans are, and you’re sending the message that you do have a life beyond communicating with them. Busy people who are independent are interesting. The fact that you need to have a bunion removed is not.
So keep the online conversation flowing by revealing the details of your life s-l-o-w-l-y. You’ll be glad you haven’t used up all your interesting stories at once, and the person you’re interested in will enjoy peeling back the layers to get to know the real you.
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